Isn't It About Looking For the Best?

When we look at our spouse, do we see the best in her or him?  I had an experience early on in my marriage that taught me a lesson.  It seemed that I blamed my spouse for a lot of things that went wrong.  It wasn’t until someone pointed out to me in a joking manner, that everything seemed to be my husbands fault, that I realized I needed to change. This was definitely difficult for me to swallow, but it was exactly what I needed to hear!  I was cutting my husband down to make myself look better, even trying to appear like a martyr at times. What a mistake this was!  Since I had this experience, I have done my best not to criticize him.  I can honestly say, he really doesn’t give me material to criticize.  I truly believe I was blaming him for things, to take the attention away from mistakes I was making. I am so much happier and love my husband more as I have learned to focus on what I need to work on, rather than his weaknesses.  

Ralph Waldo Emerson taught:  “Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is.  Treat a man as he could be and he will become as he should be.”  It is important for us to treat our marriage partners the way we would like to be treated.  

Bruce C. Hafen tells of two different women and their experiences in their marriages.  (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng&_r=1)  One woman was heartbroken because of her husband’s constant criticism of her housecleaning, cooking, and how she used her time.  Another woman wasn’t very self-confident when she married her husband.  Her husband found so much to praise in her, that she eventually felt she was a good person and that she mattered.

What type of husband or wife do we want to be?  Do we want to build up our spouse, or tear them down?  I would guess most, if not all, want to build them up.  I honestly believe, we don’t intentionally try to tear each other down.  

Perhaps we can all do a little better at paying attention to the way we treat the most important person in our home.  As we do our best to lift others, we can live the well-known Proverb:  “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee and we’ll ascend together.”  

Week #4 Challenge

When your first reaction is to criticize your husband or wife, stop yourself.  Notice the positive things they do for you.

If you are not married, think of someone in your life that you want to improve your relationship with.  It can be a family member, friend, or co-worker.  In a situation where you might be tempted to be critical of them stop yourself, and notice something positive about them.